Your Center of the Universe
"She is those kind of women that thinks her man is the center of the universe."
My pal said, has he sips on his glass of teh tarik. Like always. the one we aptly nicknamed "young Hamka" blurts out something slightly cryptic. My friend and I were puzzled, and asked him to explain.
"Some women," he said, "Will easily diss a friend for the favor of her significant other; even for the littlest, absurd things."
We nodded. True, he was pretty bummed about a couple of our classmates who suddenly disapperared from his friend list, supposedly from fear of jealousy from the boyfriend. (Well, actually I was removed as well, but I'm not as bothered about my Facebook 'life' as he is LOL).
True again, we had some gal-pals who'd delete her profile or would suddenly go on an emo-shouting spree once they had a fallout with their boyfriend, or those who purposely ignore and old classmate because they fear of their boyfriend's jealousy, or who'd flip and break a relationship once we make "a little too honest" advice about her relationship. And I bet we all have been through suddenly being ignored and "lost contact" with our pals who suddenly gives an excuse everytime we ask to hang out (and the excuse is usually "i'm going somewhere with him heheheheh<3"). It's like we were disposable blow-up dolls; and only useful when they are single or lonely. (oh wow what an example)
|You broke your friends apart when you leave them. To have them back, just reassemble.|
Personally even I am perplexed by this. And I am more than saddened when a good friend had to walk away because some significant other walks into their life. And after they became single again and walks into our life--it's pretty hard to accept them back after all that.
Honestly, I'd get nuked out for writing this too, as I bet some of the pals I (and we) dissed would be reading this. But all I'd like to say is
"Lovers come and go, but real friends stay forever."
Sure, you say "he might just be The One Mr Right" and all that, but what if it isn't? (Okay I see you sharpening that chainsaw, put it down). Really girl, WHAT IF IT ISNT? Realistically we don't know who our soulmate is, he might be who you are with, maybe; but he might also be someone else. I'm sure you've been with guys whom you think is "the one" and suddenly months along the way the love disappears. And you fell in love with another. And you fell out of love. And you fell in love with another. And you fell out of love. And you fell in love with another. And you fell out of love (I'm just copypasting those sentences 3 times, you see).
Fell in and out of love is a cycle. But friends are easier. As long as you don't make major flip-ups, they stay with you through and through. You can count on them to help you out when you're down, and to accept all your shortcomings and multiple personalities (ahem). And rest assured, even if you get married someday, they will offer a comfort side for you and make that marriage less of a 'culture shock' (but you gotta keep the distance a bit now, of course).
I know it feels a bit hard to balance between the needs of your pals and significant other. But talk to your lover and assure them that you and your pals meant no harm to the relationship, and that if he/she trusts you he/she will put a bit of a space for you. You guys need to remember that attaching oneself; putting your heart on someone else isn't a good thing, even for in marriage. And what more for a couples relationship? Your not even legally bind! (dalam kata lain, tidak halal). So why excluding yourself from the rest of the world, because of a relationship that may or may not be halal in the end anyway?
And to us, the foreveralone.jpeg friends who had been dissed by the pal, I can offer you two solution:
1) To talk with them about it. As in talk, not shout and go on an emo spree. Sometimes these girls (and sometimes boys) do not realise that they have been ignoring their friends; they might be too lovestruck to see. Tell them about the old days, they might even miss chasing the discount Parkson sales or forget how DOTA loading screen looks like. Chances are they might be snapped out of that angau disease and hang out with you again.
2) Get to know their significant other. In some cases that I've been through, it works wonders. Sometimes even their significant other talk to me about stuff because I was trusted enough. Once you and that girl/guy become good friends, it feels less of a tug-of-war to get your pal's attention. They may even invite you to a group event rather than date just the two of them. But it's always a good idea not to get too close, there is still restriction especially when gender is different; just think of them as an extended friends group.
p.s. And to my milk-tea-and-roti-canai-