How does it feel like to lose a friend? Does it hurt as much as losing a lover, or as much as losing a part of you? Friends are the people who shared a part of you, both good and bad and still accept you the way you are (until the friendship breaks, of course). That's why to some, the pain of losing a friend is indescribable. Here is one, written by @moimori from Rojakstory.
I have lost a wonderful friend.
She is someone whom I met few months ago through an online forum by random; and a blossoming friendship was created between us. It is amazing how we, two people who have never met in real life can talk like a real-life friend, over the Internet.
Both of us came from two different worlds. She is an amazing woman leading an awesome life meanwhile I am a student, still struggling with my studies throughout my Degree year. Nevertheless, I’m convinced that I found another soul mate of mine. Who said soul mates are always your opposite gender?
I finally met someone that I can talk about everything to. She makes me accept the bitter-sweetness of life. She taught me a lot. She is someone that lends her hand to me and brought me to a new path of life and creating new memories together. We both support and encourage each other. We laughed, we cried—virtually—never actually touching, but our hearts feel the same feel.
But something made us really fall apart this time. And to make it even worse, I can’t even find the reason within myself for anything, anything that have made us falling apart so hard this time.
When it happened, I just don't want to believe that our friendship has gone to its final straw. When I read back those old messages of ours, I feel confused and abandoned. It feels like loneliness keep giving its massive blows to me and the emptiness is giving me a wave of nausea.
It feels like one of the wings of my heart is damaged. There is so much history between us that dates back to you. The memories are like a record, playing perfectly in our mind. Sigh. Why are we suddenly off the radar this time, sweetie?
Losing a close friend is worst than losing a lover. We always believe that a lover can walk away when he cheated/insulted/played tricks on you. When it’s done, it’s done. You move on, and find another lover.
But we never really implemented the thought of losing friends in our mind. We always think that a true friendship isn’t supposed to fade away. They will stick with you forever. I never expect that she will really ask me to please walk away, this friendship is over. It’s like a huge stone just hit my head. I am spinning in pain, in a state of denial. I kept convincing myself that it’s never over. Get some sense into my head. Wake up! Over. Now. No. I don’t want to wake up.
Right now, I still can’t move on. I kept looking back, kept extending my hand, hoping to lead her to a new path; to a new memory. Keep giving myself a fake hope that one day this friendship will blossom again like it used to be, like a true friendship should. Will it work?
Friend, maybe we will talk some other time again. And no, I won’t say goodbye.
“The hardest part of losing a friend is having them there with us through the storms of life, but they are not longer there when it is our turn to dance in the sun.” – Anonymous.